pimp squirrel is pimp
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Why not to get sick: Zorro and the Guitar of Shame
The other night I was not feeling well. So I decided to celebrate by laying in bed and watching the telly. I flipped through the channels aimlessly looking for something tolerable and ended up on HSN. There was this strange man dress like the love child of Zorro and Roy Orbison playing the guitar. There was a plastic barbie doll-looking woman standing next to him. Well Barbie if she had botox, a spray on tan, and used 50 gallons of Aquanet and bought all her jewelry on HSN. This strange man was playing an amazing song on his guitar. At least it sounded amazing in my condition. Then came the sales pitch. Only $96 for this amazing guitar, instructional DVDs, case, string, chord chart, and picks?
HOW COULD I PASS THIS AMAZING OFFER UP!!?!?!?!
So like any normal person living in a culture of immediate gratification and mass media telling us what to consume, I immediately hopped on my laptop and ordered!
So a week later, after I had completely forgot about my diarrhea and fever induced purchase, my guitar arrive at my office. And there is no way you could not recognize the guitar shaped cardboard box (truly amazing. must have been designed by a packaging graduate from MSU.) with HSN slapped all over it. I quickly ran the box down to my car, hoping no one had noticed my shameful purchase.
So I brought it home and opened it. Smelled of varnish. Guitar looked OK at first glance. Bit of odd glue here and there. Frets looked as though they had soldered on by an epileptic with flippers for hands (or a Chinese slave labourer who probably couldn't understand why someone would buy such a thing and cost as much as he made in a year). Case was one of those floppy nylon things that protect about as well as cling film would.
So my girlfriend and I pop in the first video. Zorro was there with his obviously not-the-guitar-I-just-bought. He went through the basics: How to tune. Don't tune to tightly or you'll end up with a nylon whip going into your eye. Here's a couple basic arpeggios. We diddled around for a bit on the guitars. Then it went back into its case. Probably won't look at it again for long time.
But I did learn, don't watch HSN if you are feeling sorry for yourself. It'll just make it worse later, and you'll be out $100.
HOW COULD I PASS THIS AMAZING OFFER UP!!?!?!?!
So like any normal person living in a culture of immediate gratification and mass media telling us what to consume, I immediately hopped on my laptop and ordered!
So a week later, after I had completely forgot about my diarrhea and fever induced purchase, my guitar arrive at my office. And there is no way you could not recognize the guitar shaped cardboard box (truly amazing. must have been designed by a packaging graduate from MSU.) with HSN slapped all over it. I quickly ran the box down to my car, hoping no one had noticed my shameful purchase.
So I brought it home and opened it. Smelled of varnish. Guitar looked OK at first glance. Bit of odd glue here and there. Frets looked as though they had soldered on by an epileptic with flippers for hands (or a Chinese slave labourer who probably couldn't understand why someone would buy such a thing and cost as much as he made in a year). Case was one of those floppy nylon things that protect about as well as cling film would.
So my girlfriend and I pop in the first video. Zorro was there with his obviously not-the-guitar-I-just-bought. He went through the basics: How to tune. Don't tune to tightly or you'll end up with a nylon whip going into your eye. Here's a couple basic arpeggios. We diddled around for a bit on the guitars. Then it went back into its case. Probably won't look at it again for long time.
But I did learn, don't watch HSN if you are feeling sorry for yourself. It'll just make it worse later, and you'll be out $100.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
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